If you have been hurt in the past, which I think it is safe to say all of us have in one way or another, it can be really challenging to move forward and open yourself up to something new. We put safeguards in place; barriers to prevent us from experiencing the same pain that we once endured. What we don’t realize is that often our best intentions are actually what is holding us back. The holding on of the pain through the barriers we insist upon is what keeps us from experiencing something totally new. We believe we are protecting ourselves but in fact we are trapping ourselves in the past.
It makes sense when you try to visualize it. See yourself building walls around you after walking away from trauma. Big brick and mortar walls reaching way up into the sky, all four sides covered, all you can see is the square of light in the sky way above you. But now you realize here you are; stuck behind these walls. You can pace back and forth a bit but you are stuck. You can’t see what is in front of you so you can just relive what experiences you have in the memories of your body and mind. Your spirit tugs at you, urging you on but you are determined that you will never experience that pain again. So you stay behind your walls. Just you and your old pain to keep you company. But just beyond the wall is someone with something to offer you. Something beautiful. But you can’t see it; you are too well protected. You will not experience this pain again. They hold our their hand to you, but you can’t see it because the walls are so strong.
But the barriers feel too heavy now. They feel like they could be suffocating you. Holding you back. Holding you in the past to repeat patterns over and over again. They are doing the opposite of what they were put in place to do. You know you are not strong enough to knock them down, not yet. But you could start at the top and take a few bricks down; at least until you can see what is right in front of you.
Maybe there is someone who will help you to take them down. Maybe you have to do it all alone. But until those walls come down there is no moving forward. Until you are free you cannot really experience what is waiting for you on the other side.
Maybe it feels terrifying. Maybe it feels long overdue. Maybe you aren’t quite ready to try. Maybe the fear is just too strong and until you commit to stepping out of your comfort zone you will be held hostage.
As usual, all up to you to decide.
You could try taking a few of the bricks down, maybe once you start it won’t be as scary or hard as you think….
1 brick at a time